Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

In our daily interactions with people around us, be it due to a simple misunderstanding or a serious clash of personalities, conflicts are inevitable. Personally, there is one interpersonal conflict which hit me rather hard, even until today:

One year ago, during the 3-month vacation in NUS, I was asked to be a part of an Orientation Committee of my hostel called the Freshmen Welcome Orientation Committee (FWOC). FWOC was made out of twelve selected individuals who are tasked to plan and execute two camps, one of which caters to 250 new residents of our hostel. Every aspect of both camps from the important elements to the tiniest details was done solely by the twelve. The demanding nature of this committee requires every member to be a 100% committed to the cause of the team. My fellow committee members, whom I usually regard as my FWOCers were very driven and eager to top whatever the past FWOC team has accomplished. Our common goal was to plan and execute the best camp that our hostel has ever witnessed. To realize that goal, we were ready to pitch in our all. However, there was one FWOCer, Bobby who had a different idea of FWOC and having not experienced FWOC before, he was not entirely sure of what he was getting himself into.

I guess that made it hard for him to stay committed to the team and put in as much effort as we did. He slowly began to slack off and did not deliver what he was supposed. The rest of the team slowly felt the extra load from his lack of responsibility and though unspoken, the tension and unhappiness were taking a toll on our work progress and team dynamics. It was then I felt the need for the team to voice out whatever discontentment which was plaguing us. The sharing session was not the most pleasant one but through that, we understood the problems Bobby was facing-the experience was not what he expected when he signed up for it and was slowly losing his passion. In the end, we came to a compromise that we would learn to be more understanding and try to put ourselves in Bobby’s shoes while Bobby promised us that he would see himself through the entire FWOC journey. Bobby stayed true to his words and remained in the team, though the rest had the team had to cover up for him in several occasions, I think that was the best possible outcome of the entire conflict. FWOC finally culminated in the NUS Rag and Flag Day 2010 with our hostel, Kent Ridge Hall clinching the prestigious Chancellor’s Shield.

This interpersonal conflict was the most difficult I have ever encountered as it felt like it was an-eleven-versus-one sort of conflict; and sometimes I cannot help but wonder, how I would have reacted if I was in Bobby’s shoes. Would I have had the courage to stay in a team which did not share my sentiments for three long grueling months? And for that, I really respect him, for not walking out on us, because he could have. What would you have done if you were Bobby?

They say twelve is the magic number ...